Our Wedding DayOur eyes are full of stars, and our hearts full of dreams and our brains think they know how to make this thing called marriage work – – I mean we both love each other — how hard can marriage be?….

10 Years later…

The stars and dreams are not as bright and vibrant and the brain is beginning to wonder if knowledge is enough to have a good marriage?? But it has a stubborn/hardened streak – – If I just do the right things: like reading the Bible everyday, praying more, being more patient and kind, going to church more, then surely somehow, doing the right things will make a good marriage….

20 Years Later….

The stars have burned out, the dreams died and the brain is numb and doesn’t know anything anymore…. All the good I’d done didn’t help me when I found out about my husband’s infidelity, when I discovered his secret sin. We were in the process of losing our house to bankruptcy and foreclosure. Could life get any worse??? I started questioning God and everything I thought I knew about Him. As a last chance to save our marriage and to find out who God really was; I took the Core and Lab 1 classes at Life ministries. I promised myself to give it all I had, to be as nakedly honest and real with myself, my heart and God as I knew how to be and I found out- – There is a very loving Father God!!

And a month after our 21st anniversary life did get worse –  much more than I could have ever imagined. I now know why the divorce rate is so high after the death of a child (80-90% within 10 years) and after a disabled child (25%) and after a traumatic brain injury  (25%). Statistically our marriage didn’t have a chance to survive. And had I not met God during our classes at Life Ministries…..it might not have survived.

25 Years Later…

The stars are starting to twinkle again and dreams are staring to shimmer again – the brain stills feels it knows less than it ever did but my heart has experienced God in ways I have trouble finding words to describe – I’ve experienced such an awesome God, my heart quivers and trembles, there are no words – just here I am God. I’ve experienced such a kind, gentle, loving Papa God, my heart rests and says “This is the Daddy I’ve always longed for.” So if its possible I’m more excited about the next 25 years than I was on our wedding day. And I think its because I – well Casting Crowns says it perfectly..

Is there room in your heart
Is there room in your heart
Is there room in your heart
For God to write His story
You can come as you are
But it may set you apart
When you make room in your heart
And trade your dreams for His glory
Make room in your heart
Make room in your heart

And this song also encourages me that because of our brokenness, our marriage actually has a pretty good survival rate.

“The only way we’ll last forever is broken together.”