We have celebrated as many birthdays without you as we had with you.

There are just no words to explain the pain of celebrating my child’s birthday without her. I just have to trust, to believe in the mystery of the Goodness of Papa God that allowed His holy Sovereignty to override His Providential care that awful rainy icy night. Because if I don’t, my mind will swirl down into the crazy, the insanity of trying to understand, trying to come up with answers. So I will just curl up in Papa’s arms and trust that just as His love flows into my heart, that my love will flow back to you and in heaven you will know your mama still loves you. Still weeps that she can’t hug you. Still aches with pain and longing AND is eagerly waiting for the day we will be reunited.