I had been working on a different blog post but all those thoughts are scattered to the winds of grief. I thought I was finally getting a handle on this grieving thing. Yes, it hurts just as much if not more than it used to, but it seemed my emotions were stronger. I wasn’t crying as much, I felt calmer in my spirit. I was thinking “We will survive. We can make it.” But Sunday morning, they sang Jennie’s song at church and the dam broke again. I started crying and I haven’t stopped crying much since. Yes, at Grief Share we were told to prepare for the hard days, to be aware of the grief trigger points, the holidays, the anniversaries, etc. And sure there are some things you can think through and prepare yourself, but how was I to know they would sing that song? How could I prepare for that? I never saw it coming. I’m sure the song leader had no clue what memories that song would evoke, what feelings would be felt again. I feel like I’m back in those first weeks of intense pain and raw grief. And all the crying sure doesn’t improve the head ache issues. And my poor little girls don’t know quite what to do with me. One says, “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” the other one hugs me and pats my arm and say, “It’ll be okay mommy.” Which only, of course, brings more tears. So need-less to say its been a rough couple of days. It’s been hard to see God and I keep asking, “God, where are you?” And I can’t feel anything but pain and I can’t see anything through the tears running down my face. But this song says it about right…

“Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm.” “My only hope is to trust in You.”

As a prayer request and I don’t even know what to ask for but we are really struggling with things. A variety of things. All I will say is, I’m not the only one with a brain injury and each brain injury is very unique and causes unique side effects. So with three of us having brain injuries on differing levels and effects, it leaves us in an extremely overwhelming situation.