Category Archives: JoAnn’s Updates

Waiting…

Posted on by
Reply

JoAnn had another brain CT scan and doctor appointment and the message is still the same as the past 3 visits. “Nothing changed. Come back in 6 months.” And on one hand that sounds like fairly good news. I mean at least it’s not getting worse- the fluid level isn’t increasing… And at least she doesn’t need surgery… But on the other hand all the risks are still there, the most worrisome to me is the risk of seizures and all the issues that come along with that. So we’re still waiting and watching…wondering…

Waiting, waiting, waiting, seems like that’s all my life is about right now. It feels like I’ve been put “on hold” and I’m really very tired of waiting…

Waiting for the attorney to get all the paperwork done….

Waiting for the oven to sell…

Waiting for the headaches to go away…

Waiting for the pain to lessen…

Waiting for the “to do” list to get done…

Waiting for the longings in my heart to be met….

Waiting for the million questions I have, get answers…

Waiting to see Jennie again…

How do I keep my heart open, soft and inviting when the temptation is very real to put on the tough girl act and pull myself together? I mean if I would have just prayed more or oftener or better then surely God would have made the fluid less or even took it away completely. Or maybe if I read and studied the Bible more, something miraculous would have happened. How do I stay vulnerable and authentic when the temptation is to make it about me trying to control life, to make life work? If I wouldn’t be impatient and snap at the girls while doing school, then surely I’d be good enough and God would bless the desires of my heart. Or maybe if I was more self-disciplined and didn’t indulge my taste buds off of my “good for the brain” eating plan then He would honor and bless all that discipline with less physical pain, maybe even, no pain at all and lots of energy to wipe out that “to do” list. If I could somehow just do life the right way, do the right thing…

  But is my heart aware of what is actually happening? I think Satan brings those questions, those temptations and at the core of it all, is asking me the same thing he asked Eve…Is God good? Is He against me instead of for me? Satan wants me to make it about me, about me being in control and if I do, say or act just right, God will do the honorable thing and bless me and my efforts. But what if it isn’t about me at all? What if it’s all about God getting glory and honor through all of this? What if it’s about staying vulnerable and real with God and my heart and becoming aware of God and knowing Him on a deeper level than before? What if through telling my story, my struggle it encourages someone to continue trusting God? What if it’s about being more aware of how passionately God loves me and is longing for a relationship with me and in the waiting God is making beauty out of dust and ashes? What if Papa God is more concerned about my heart and what is in it than fixing my world or keeping my waiting at a minimum? According to His Word, “What you say flows from what is in your heart.” And “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” I told my friend I don’t think I’m dancing too well in this storm and she reminded me that when learning new dance steps sometimes we stumble, even step on each other’s toes but it’s a process of learning, of continuing to try. And it brought to my memory this summer when we went to Landis Valley Museum for their Civil War Days. One of the programs they had was “Recreation in the Civil War” and dancing is one of the things they did. The dance teacher invited the public to join them in learning some of the dance steps. She showed everyone how to do the steps but it was very easy to see the difference between the dancing group and those from the public who were doing it probably for the first time. The one little person I enjoyed watching, he was thoroughly enjoying it but was dancing all over the place, not staying in the proper line-up and once ran right into his partner. And I can’t help but wonder “Does God want me to be okay with where I am, maybe even enjoy where I am right now because He is with me? Does He want me to dance all over the place not really knowing what I am doing and run right into Him, trusting that He will lead me to the next step at the right time?” So I wonder if He isn’t working on a new dance step and is asking me to trust Him, to rest in His love and care while waiting, remembering how gently He held me and cared for me in the hospital.

JoAnn’s Updates

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve put the updates here that I had sent out via text to our family as well as some of my thoughts as I’m processing this journey.

February 23, 2018  We’re here with JoAnn. She slept well last night. Her pain is a little less than yesterday but she also had a reaction to the one kind of pain medication. So they have to find a different one cause she can’t come home on morphine. She had a rash as well as a bit of a fever. They weren’t sure if the fever was from the meds or because of the surgery.
And we just talked to the doc. He is very happy with the MRI results and feels like he got 99% of the enhanced area. He wants another MRI done in 3 months when surgery after effects are gone. The cysts were over the ventricle area which is were the spinal fluid is made that surrounds the brain and spinal cord. Because of surgery there is some open areas causing swelling and in time it should reduce and the ventricles close up. If not a shunt will need to be put in. So please pray that the swelling goes done and the ventricles close correctly. She has 26 staples in her incision which will come out in 2 weeks. The doc is not ready to send her home today possibly tomorrow.

February 24, 2018 We’re with JoAnn again. Her pain is better but she has more facial swelling and she’s still rather weak and tired. The nurse said the doc did not put a discharge order in and when she heard JoAnn’s got to go to the 3rd floor at home, she agreed with us that it might be better to keep her another day. So if you could pray for the facial swelling to go down and strength to build up. Thanks for praying.

February 25, 2018 We found JoAnn, 😏 they moved her twice since we were there last night. 😲She had a fairly good night’s rest despite the move in the middle of the night. We were told she could go home. The nurse got all the paperwork and discharge instructions and she got dressed and we are headed home now. Her facial swelling doesn’t seem to be as much as it had although both eyes are a bit swollen instead of just one like yesterday but her forehead isn’t as swollen either. Please continue praying for healing and thanks so much for your prayers.

We are home now and I think she is resting well; it’s hard for little sisters to play quietly especially when they are so excited to have big sister home again. We do have an appointment for the staples to be removed, as well as a check-up in about 2 weeks; as well as needing to schedule another MRI in about 3 months to see what that enhanced area is doing to know what to do from here. Thank you for continuing to pray for us through this journey. As I was processing my emotions the past couple of weeks through all the uncertainty of brain surgery. I had this very real fear that it might not possibly turn out like we hope. (So much so that we did some paperwork taking care of JoAnn’s financial and medical needs if things don’t turn out well.) And it sure didn’t help the early morning check-in paperwork listing all kinds of risks: seizures, coma, along with lots of others, even death. And then the doc says, “And for you, since this is your second surgery, that increases the risks a bit more”. Oh!! be still my heart remember… remember the message of the cardinal. And then to see the cardinal painting in the surgical waiting room. How awesome is our God!! There is no doubt in my heart that Papa God is good and is for me and He is quite okay with my emotions and feelings my heart experiences in these hard, difficult and painful places and times. But what do I do with them, Do I face the pain head-on or do I seek relief? Do I put trust in that paperwork we did or do I choose to trust His heart?

I very much identified with this song “Whatever You’re Doing” by Sanctus Real

Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something heavenly

JoAnn’s Surgery Update

Posted on by
3

We talked with her surgeon and he was pleased with how everything went. They took out a softball sized cluster of cysts and as much of an avocado seed sized enhanced area as they safely could. This enhanced area  is what causes the cysts to grow. He also ordered another MRI to check for bleeding which is routine and also to better tell how much of this enhanced area is still there. She is in a fair amount of pain it seems at the moment and is very drowsy but otherwise is doing well. Thank you so much for your prayers.

This is part of the one painting I saw hanging in the surgical waiting area.  I was surprised but I really shouldn’t have been, God is so much more than we can even begin to imagine.  And I couldn’t help but remember seeing the real cardinal in my city backyard and the message I heard that day. God is so good.

JoAnn’s Update

Posted on by
1

The doctor called and wants to do surgery as soon as can be planned due to the size of the tumor/cyst which increases the risk of seizures. So surgery is scheduled for February 22; quite a bit sooner than the game plan we had so neatly arranged in our minds. How does one process the tailspin news like this puts me on? I’m not sure, but… well actually, I’m pretty certain Papa God is more okay with my turmoil of feelings than I am. If I can manage my feelings, neatly arrange them, I have this totally wrong idea than I’ve got it under control, that I can handle life; but if I can handle life then I don’t really need God. Yet when it feels like I’m in a whirlwind, it makes me question, Where is God? Is life safe anymore? How am I even to make future plans when this life keeps throwing me curve-balls and messing up my neatly arranged plans? And I begin to question the goodness of God which shows just how human I am… I just went to make supper and I saw a beautiful red cardinal enjoying the seeds from the bird feeder. I had not yet seen a cardinal at our feeder here in the city. I felt God saying, “See I do care about you. I am here for you. I am for you and not against you.” “Thank you, Papa God.” I was filled with a wonderful feeling of peace and comfort that even though I don’t know the outcome, God does and He can and will handle this whole thing. I just have to be willing to trust Him.

I keep listening to this song by Matthew West and am reassured once again that I don’t have to do it alone, God is more than willing to do it with me.

Prayer requests:

~ That God would guide the doctor’s hands as he does the surgery.

~ That everyone would stay healthy, especially JoAnn over the next several weeks.

~ That JoAnn would feel God’s peace over the next weeks and that recovery would go well.

~ That JoAnn’s siblings could have peace and comfort; some have been a little high-strung the last few days.

~ That God would be glorified and honored through this experience.

Thank you!