…you know how they say the first year after the death of a loved one is the worst because you go through a year of all the firsts without them? Well, I had another first years later….

     A new driver in training….

     It caught me unawares…One of the things most parents probably don’t think a lot about- I didn’t with my first two. It was a normal part of growing up and giving your children their wings. It’s something I wanted my children to experience. But that was before having a catastrophic accident that shattered my world and forever changed who I was…

     I was a bit unprepared for the feelings and questions that this first time event evoked in me. How in the world am I to teach her how to drive safely? I struggle to remember all the basic daily things that need to be done…how will I remember all the little yet so very important things to be able to drive safely and to think ahead and be aware of other drivers and pedestrians? Can I trust her to be a safe driver? Can I trust God to keep her safe? And the biggest fear/question of all- what if she gets killed in an accident??? I have no promise that that won’t happen- it did before- one of my children was killed in a car accident. I want to keep her safe from all the bad stuff that might happen. And in this moment I have a choice- Do I choose to believe Papa God is with me and for me and is good? Or do I live in the fear and questions and prevent my child from being free to be a teenager?

     I chose to trust God and look at what are my options to give my daughter freedom in the best and safest way given my brain injury after effects and my PTSD. I’m thankful for friends who listen and not judge but give suggestions. I was encouraged to look into what driver school options are in our area. And I found one and she’s been doing the online portion of learning to drive. And now she’s got her permit too, so I can schedule the “Behind the Wheel” training portion. And we had our first very short drive out a farm field lane. And we both lived to tell about it.

     I’m also so thankful that our daughter is understanding or at least willing to work with us in this. I’m so proud of us being able to have a good healthy conversation about how to care for both our hearts- my need for her to be as safe as possible and to know how to drive well and for her to have the responsibility and freedom to drive. The reality is she probably doesn’t understand the fear the flooded my heart, at least not to the degree it is for me; but I’m so grateful for the healing that God has done in her heart and life as well. It takes courage and confidence to step out and do things differently than most of her friends. But she has heard my heart and has respectfully agreed to work with us in this first. I’m also so grateful for a loving Father who understands and cares for my heart and is patiently teaching me these strange new steps of this dance…deeper trust…stronger faith…God-confidence….