Is there a difference between experiencing anger and being an angry person? In my opinion there is. And I think Jesus showed us there was and granted His responses were perfect. He experienced and responded to the anger He felt when the people made His Father’s house a den of thieves instead of a house of prayer. But when falsely accused at His trial He did not respond in anger. He was not an angry person; He knew Who He was and Whose He was. He knew where He came from and where He was going to. He had a vital connection to His Father, a connection we need as well and should strive for.

I believe too often we become angry people because we do not allow ourselves to feel, to experience and process our emotions or when we stuff our feelings. A person who is easily offended is an angry person. I believe if my first response to things done against me is anger, especially minor things, like a driver cutting me off or my child spilling a glass of water; I’m an angry person and I need to look deeper into my heart. What other deeper pain have I not admitted and processed? What other emotions am I not allowing myself to feel? Anger is often a secondary emotion; there is something under that emotion.  I’ve been there- I’ve been an angry person and when I looked below all that anger there was a deeply hurting heart. A heart that was stuffing and denying a lot of emotions. A heart that was dying piece by broken piece. I realized my heart felt insecure and afraid. I had been violated, taken advantage of and my world was not a safe place. I became an angry person to hide my hurting heart. Responding in anger felt safer, I felt stronger. Anger would keep people away. Who wants to be close to a prickly person? Yes, it’s in relationships we experience our deepest hurts but it’s also in relationships where we experience the greatest healing. And the most important relationship we can have is with Jesus. I very clearly remember the night I poured out my intense anger at God. I actually shook my fist in His face and told Him I think He’s being very unfair. He has no idea how painful my life has been and to lose a child to death was just the most awful excruciatingly painful thing He could have done to me. The words and anger just rolled and boiled out of my heart that night. And when I was spent, my heart emptier than it had been in a very long time; and yet through the anger, I felt in a very real sense the loving arms of God holding me and gently whispering to me, ‘Oh yes, I know the pain of your child dying. And all that other stuff I never wanted to happen; it was a result of the sin cursed, broken earth you live in right now.” And I never felt so loved and cared for as I did in that moment. I experienced Isaiah 42:3 “He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.”  I never felt as loved as I did that dark night. I realized God is more concerned about me being honest and real with Him than He is about me doing everything right so I can make my way to heaven.

I don’t believe God wants us to be angry people but I do believe He wants us to get angry at sin yet choose to respond in a healthy good way. I believe He wants us to care for our hearts so they can be healthy. A healthy heart experiences and expresses a multitude of emotions and a redeemed healthy heart’s desire will be that its responses honor God. If I am godly- I will be like God- Love what He loves, hate what He hates, and get angry at what makes Him angry. Granted He will do it perfect and I will not but God knows my heart and the motives of it and His grace and mercy extends to my faltering efforts.

Update/Prayer Request: Joe and JoAnn were both back to Hershey for checkups. Joe is good for another year. But the tumor/cyst on JoAnn’s brain is enlarging/growing again. The doctor feels something should be done. But is it surgery, radiation or something else? Should it be done now or wait til she has more symptoms? The team of doctors was going to discuss her case this week sometime and hopefully come up with possible options. So it looks like we have some decisions to make. I’ve been feeling a bit fragile as I think of the possibility of brain surgery or whatever is decided. I know a whole lot more about how our brains work than I did 3 years ago when JoAnn had surgery done. I have more knowledge as to the possibilities of what could go wrong and the effects of that and part of me wishes I’d be a little more innocent of how much our life is impacted by how healthy and how well our brains work. Brain injury, whether traumatic or acquired, is a life changing, ongoing event. Also Jana has been back doing physical therapy again and her therapists have decided to try a brace for her left foot, as it was over compensating for her right foot, which would cause her to lose her balance and at times fall. Than you for your prayers.