All of us suffer loss in different ways and degrees. And each loss has its own unique pain and grief which becomes part of our story. Loss brings a sudden stop to the life we knew. It freezes life into a snapshot; (we only have pictures and memories of Jennie now, we no longer have her with us). Loss brings a disruption to our plan. It forever changes life as we knew it. It makes us ask the deeper questions – – Who am I really? What do I believe about God, about me, about life? Loss messes with our identity; it changes us and at times, I’m not sure who I am or who I’m becoming. Loss can also happen as a result of wrong doing against us and can cause us to want justice, revenge for the one who wronged us to make up or pay for the loss they caused. Sometimes loss can’t be seen with our eyes or touched with our hands; sometimes they are only be felt by the heart.

Whether it’s the death of someone we love, the death of a dream, the loss of a job or a house or the innocence of our childhood. Loss never leaves us the same- it will either transform us or destroy us. I would rather be transformed than destroyed but that means I have to face each loss head on. I need to identify want I lost, put words to what was taken away, which makes those heart losses, I have found, seem to be the hardest to process, to work through because sometimes the heart has no words for what it experiences.
Facing my losses requires me to take an inventory of my life: What is my number one priority? What is most important? Where is my main focus? In his book, The Journey of Desire John Eldridge writes there are two spiritual disciplines we as Christians should practice daily: worship- adoring God deliberately, regularly and grieving- allowing sorrow to do its work in our hearts. Which is similar to what a friend had told me; there are two altars in which to worship God: the altar of praise or the altar of lament. And I’m beginning to realize the more I’m at the altar of lament, allowing sorrow to do its work, the deeper the adoration I feel for God at the altar of praise.

I need to grieve each and every loss I experience if I want to be transformed rather than destroyed. God values authenticity, wanting us to be real, to be honest with ourselves, our hearts. Grieving is entering into and embracing the darkness that comes with each loss, and the bigger the loss or maybe the more aware I am of what I’ve lost, the deeper the darkness. I need to allow my heart to feel the pain of each loss, even though it hurts and sometimes the pain is excruciating. Grieving is good for us, it is cleansing. Mourning is the only way my heart can remain alive and free in this world of loss. Sorrowing is what allows our hearts to forgive the one who has sinned against us, allowing God to take care of the revenging. Lamenting is hanging on to God when your world is in total chaos but sometimes it’s allowing God to hold you when you have no strength to hold on to Him. Grieving also helps us understand, to realize that the life we had, is gone forever; and no matter how much or how well we grieve, it will not bring life, the way it was, back to us. It releases the life we had and opens our hearts to the good that is still in our present life. To accept the life I now have I must grieve the life I lost. It seems like such a paradox: loss, pain, grief, sorrow, lament, seemingly negative words; giving birth to worship, praise, adoration, alive, free, positive words. So as I face each loss and grieve it well, I am better able to love, to dance freely, openly with God my Papa.

And in other news, we are now the owners of a city house. We actually had settlement. I admit I was a bit fearful, even till the morning of our appointment, what if we get there and they back out…but they didn’t and we signed all the many papers and it became ours. Thank you for your prayers.