In my last post, I had written we are planning to buy a house and had a settlement date; well, we didn’t have settlement- -four days before the settlement date the bank called and said, “We won’t approve the loan”!?! My head heard their reason, their explanation but my heart did not – still does not understand. We knew that our bankruptcy and foreclosure were going to be hard on our credit rating and also that banks don’t look too kindly on you for several years. And we told the loan officer all of that, we hid nothing. So how did she get a pre-approval for a mortgage to go through? We have no idea but she did. And Joe and I had agreed we won’t seriously look for a house till we know from the bank for sure that we can buy. So after we had our pre-approval letter, we contacted our realtor and he sent us a list of houses. We checked them out and made calls about some of them, went and saw a couple as well but nothing seemed right. Then we found this one and it had everything on our ‘need’ list and all but one thing on our ‘want’ list. It felt like a perfect fit for our needs. So we moved ahead with all the paperwork and now there’s a bend in the road. We’re not sure how the financing will come together but we still feel very strongly God wants us to buy this house that God is asking us to open our hearts and be willing to take the next steps in faith, to be willing to risk. Thankfully the seller is willing to work with us and at this point we are renting the house from her. We are still planning to buy it; we are looking into what options we have. We have done some painting and cleaning and are slowly moving some things in. And the more I go to the house, the more I like it and the more it feels like home.

I wonder, What is God teaching me, our family in this journey? What does God want me to learn about Him through this? What is my view of God in this piece of my story? There are parts of my heart being prodded and poked as this situation unfolds and I am aware of some unsettled feelings and emotions in my heart in connection with our bankruptcy and foreclosure.  I wonder, Is there something more God wants me to process and heal from that I didn’t know about before or maybe even ignored or pushed away? My hope and prayer is that my heart is open, sensitive and quiet enough to hear God’s still small voice; for it’s in the quietness God speaks and too often I am not quiet. I’m so busy trying to manage, to control, and to make life work that I miss the open doors, the opportunities to rest, to trust Him.

And the other bend in the road is the new diagnosis JoAnn got from the specialist Joe took her to this week in Hershey. They diagnosed her as having Neurofibromatosis (NF) which is an inherited disorder in which nerve tissue tumors form in the bottom layer of skin or in the nerves from the brain and spinal cord. NF causes tissue along nerves to grow uncontrollably and can put pressure on the nerves causing pain, seizures, even blindness depending where the tumors grow. There is no known cure for this disease, just options to control symptoms she may have. And the tumor in her brain is again slowly filling with fluid. She has another appointment after she comes home from Bible School, for follow-up care and to give us time to process and think through our options for a care plan. Could you pray that we would be able to think clearly as we search the options given us? That we would be honest with our hearts and process and work through the feelings and emotions we experience as we walk this journey especially JoAnn. She will need to control the symptoms and deal with possible complications the rest of her life.

I don’t know what’s around these bends in our road but I do know God my Father is with me and I will be okay, if I allow myself to be still and allow myself to be held.