18 Months……..

18 long months…..

Of missing Jennie’s cheerful smile
Of not hearing her girlish giggle
Of not watching her learning to cook
Of not listening to her singing
Of not getting to see her enjoy her school lessons
Of not giving her or receiving from her hugs and kisses
Of being in pain
Of wondering how far will Jana be able to progress physically
Of being realizing time and again of how catastrophically our lives were changed that icy night
Of seeing my children grieving and hurting
Of learning to know a new me
Of learning to know a different husband
Of learning to know who my children are becoming
Of understanding grief is not a neat and tidy thing, not a once and done thing either
Of crying, some days just teary eyes, other days gut wrenching sobs
Of learning how wonderful and awesome our bodies are made
Of learning to know God more intimately
Of realizing that its ok if I don’t understand everything, God has my best interest on His heart
Of realizing that a lot of people do care but just don’t know what to say or how to show they care
Of wondering how will I survive this
Of realizing the adventure we are on has lots of good pieces in it as well as some very sad and painful parts

Choosing to Dance in the Storm