Not to be cynical or arrogant sounding and not to evoke pity either, but I have survived a lot of horrible stuff- sexual abuse, a husband’s infidelity, bankruptcy and foreclosure, church divisions, a horrific accident that took the life of one of my children and permanently disabled another and left me with life-long pain and after-effects, both my parents have died. Yet as I have pondered and processed over the years all the bad stuff that happened to me, I learned a lot about God- who He is and what He isn’t, and I realized I wanted to do more than survive or merely exist after the bad stuff happened and the reality is- bad stuff will keep happening. After all, I’m living in a broken messed-up world, one I was not created for. But surely there is more to life than mere existence after all Jesus said, “I came so that they would have life, and have it abundantly.” Abundant life- that sounds more like thriving than surviving.
What does thriving look like and could it look different to God than to me? I wonder if thriving is more about seeking The Healer rather than the healing. Honestly, if I compare my ‘before accident me’ to the ‘after accident me’; there are parts of me that are merely existing and yet there are also parts of me that are thriving. I would love to have a few more of my parts healed so I wouldn’t have to be in pain every day and I think I truly believe that God would be capable of miraculously healing those parts of me yet; but what if in His mind and heart, He says I’m thriving because I depend so strongly on Him to get through each day.
What if thriving is willing to be vulnerable, to tell my story? It’s when our hearts connect that they can grow and thrive. I can’t shut down my heart and still have the passion to live, to thrive. I can’t have intimacy without vulnerability, yet being vulnerable is so scary. What if I’m rejected because of what I reveal? Because of what I honestly admit to struggling with? I wonder if thriving is acknowledging the shame I feel but bringing truth to that shame and choosing to live out the truth, God’s Truth rather than to live out the shame. I wonder if thriving looks like a willingness to wrestle with God about my situation, asking those hard questions, yet not letting the situation control me, instead choosing to trust that God is working, that God is restoring, that God is redeeming, that God is healing.
When the Amalekites attacked Ziklag, destroyed it, and took David’s and his men’s wives; then when the men saw the ruins and realized what happened to their families 1 Samuel 30:4 says, “they wept until they could weep no more.” Then verse 6 says, “But David found strength in the Lord his God.” I wonder if there isn’t a connection there between weeping and being strengthened. David and his men were filled with anger, pain, and grief over the tragedy they found when they got to their town. I believe David’s ability to wail and weep opened his heart to be able to receive strength from God when his men were about to turn on him. I know from my experience that when I have wept till I could weep no longer that God miraculously filled me with His comfort and peace. When I choose to rest in God’s amazingly gentle strong arms, that is when the abundant life happens; it comes from experiencing God, having an intimate relationship with Him, and being willing to choose to dance different, even difficult dance steps, trusting, believing that Papa God is leading me in the dance and making beauty out of ashes.