…I became a Grammy!

I’ve been rather excited about stepping into that role but at the same time it feels mostly like a dream, a bit unreal; because I haven’t held or seen her yet other than in pictures and jerky twitchy video calls that are too few and far between. I’m also deeply saddened because of her being a whole ocean away from me. (And as a side note to my son or daughter-in-law, if you read this, I don’t want you to feel bad or guilty for the choice you have made. I believe you are following God’s leading and I bless you for your service, for answering God’s call. And I’m sure there are hard things on your end that I don’t see.) One day as I was complaining to Papa God about how hard and unfair it is that I have to give up my only son and granddaughter; He kindly, gently reminded me that what I’m experiencing now is an answer to prayers I prayed years ago. I’ve always wanted my children to love God and live for Him. I prayed for my children to follow God, to be faithful to His leading and voice and my son is. He and his lovely wife are where they believe God has asked them to be, serving and living for Him in a far away land. So honestly I wouldn’t want it any other way but I’m very much a human and find it difficult to keep the eternal perspective. I want to hold and snuggle with my first grand baby. I want to read books to her. I want to feel that sweet soft baby skin. And hear that cute baby gurgle and giggle, watch her discovering her hands and toes. I’d even love to hold her while she’s crying. But those are treasures I have to forgo for the eternal work, for God’s kingdom. And please, don’t think I don’t struggle with that. I do- regularly. Words are easy to type, to say. What are my actions showing I believe?     

Again I have a choice- Do I choose to dance in this storm with my Papa God and allow Him to lead me in this? Or do I allow the grief and hardness of this circumstance affect how I love? Like I said before I do believe my son is following God’s leading and it’s what I prayed for. So what does loving well look like? Maybe by holding other babies and loving on them. Keeping my heart soft in spite of the ache and discomfort. Finding beauty in His creation. Talking to The One who comforts as no one else can. Allowing my heart to experience His love, peace and grace. And trusting, believing that when I get to my eternal home all these unfulfilled longings and desires will be abundantly filled.