Two years ago today I came home from the hospital. When I look back over those two years, they have been the hardest two years of my life so far. I’m beginning to think, to realize when you brush against death’s door but don’t quite go through; it does something to you. It changes you forever. Life and its problems doesn’t look like it used too. I think of heaven A LOT more than I used to. I don’t hang onto stuff as much as I used to, stuff is to be used, people are to be enjoyed. I have a longing for God I didn’t know was possible. I have come to a much different view of God as my Father through all this struggle, pain and difficulty. I also see people differently than I used to; everyone has a battle they’re fighting in. So would I want to re-live those two years? Not in a million years! But in learning to dance in the storm, I have chosen to believe, to trust that God is taking this terrible, ugly, horrible, painful thing and making a beautiful. breath-taking, gorgeous something. And I can’t wait to go to heaven and see it with my family.
We have since 2004 every four years made look-alike dresses for Mother’s day. And this would again be our year for look-alikes, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Yes, part of me did, I love to sew and of course, who wouldn’t want a new dress. But there was one young girl who was always so excited about new dresses and taking our pictures and she isn’t here this year. I struggled with it: to do it, does that mean we’re moving on and leaving you behind, forgetting about you. To not do it, does that mean we haven’t accepted your death, our losses. This year it is different. It is again another first for us to live through. We talked about it and we decided to go ahead but we did add a twist to it. Our dresses aren’t exactly the same. Similar but not the same and it seemed to us that doing it this way this year was how we could honor Jennie. And of course I wore your angel pin in memory of you, Jennie dear. I think you’re having a great Mother’s Day in heaven with grandma.
Mother’s Day 2004
Mother’s Day 2008
Mother’s Day 2012
Mother’s Day 2016
And on other news, after a two week break from eye therapy and exercises, the eye doctor is very pleased with how Jana’s brain and eyes kept the info they learned through the therapy and exercises Jana had done. Now for the next several weeks she is to read at least one hour a day and then we go for a four week round of therapy and the doctor is thinking by then her eyes and brain will be working together again. But he does want to keep checking on her eyes every couple months. And her Occupational therapy is over for now too. This week she will learn some exercises to do at home. Her physical therapist is to have a baby in June so we will be taking a break from therapy while she is on maternity leave. The therapists want Jana to do exercises here at home while she is on a break. We are looking forward to a more restful summer. And I have a doctor appointment this week. I have really been struggling with some physical issues that past several months and please pray that the doctor will be willing to work with us on it. I am so ready for some answers. I’ve been doing a lot of researching and reading and have an idea as to what is going on, so I really hope the doc truly listens to what I’m trying to say.